There was a time I was so offended when I would get called “skinny.” I hated that term. People would always tell me, “Stacy, you are so tiny and you are never going to gain any weight.” Then the guys that I chose to date were all so fixated on “thick” women. And men, you know what I am referring to when I say “thick” women! When a guy I dated would tell me that, I would become so offended that I started to get jealous and envious of these other women. I would actually go and buy stuff that had a lot of fat and protein in it to gain weight. I viewed “thickness” as true beauty. Thickness is what seemed to get admiration from others and I wanted it. If thickness got my guy’s attention, that is what I had planned to do was get thick! I would eat and eat but never gain weight. I even went so far as to go to the doctor and get vitamins to help me gain. I gained some weight but not much. I even tried herbal vitamins. I only gained a little weight. In other words, all of these methods didn’t get me to the “t” in the word, thick! The doctor told me I was a healthy size and to just let it go. I still didn’t listen. I wanted to be “thick” to please people, especially my guy. Well, those wake-up calls started coming. God began to deal with me on always listening to people. He began to deal with me on my failure to see what true beauty really was.
I went through situation after situation. And once God showed me what true beauty was, I felt like an idiot. He showed me that putting myself out there like that was so childish and immature. And it was actually unhealthy for me. God had spoken through me through a physician who told me I was healthy but I didn’t listen. God had shown me the various foods I was eating that thickness just wasn’t for me but I kept eating making myself sick. Then, God showed me in my encounters with several women who were thick that “thickness” doesn’t keep a man. A man will still do what he is going to do rather no matter what size you are. I could have slapped myself three times at this reality! Many may think this blog is crazy but I know that I am not the only one who has gone through this. Trying to please others will have you messed up for life! And that is exactly where I was…..in MESSED UP LAND. I was too old to be putting my body through such nonsense. When God started dealing with me, He showed me that true beauty wasn’t some lame word called “thickness” but it was in fearing Him.
God taught me that fearing Him was beautiful in itself. Fearing the Lord involves putting Him first in our lives. It involves acknowledging Him at all times regardless of any situation. It means knowing that He is worthy of all our praises. It means living this life to please Him in all that we say and do. True beauty isn’t about looks. It is about knowing the Power of God. It is about fearing the God. When I grasp a hold of this, I began to live it. God is my life. Fearing Him is my true beauty and it is THICK! And God admires it and His admiration is what matters most to me. “Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised” (Proverbs 31:30 NIV). – S.L.M.