For some reason, my thoughts are stuck in the area of marriage. Perhaps, God has placed my thoughts there for a reason. I think to myself, “Am I ready for marriage?” Of course not!” Then I think, “Do you I want to get married again?” Sure but not at this time. I am still a work in progress. I don’t know where God will lead me and to be honest, I am not rushing Him. It took me a very long time to embrace myself. I have through the motions of getting in hurtful relationships because I was lonely and desperate to have a man in my life. I have gone through the motions of shacking with a man who did nothing but bring me down and made my struggle harder. When I came through these motions, I still had that desire to have someone to call my “man” and this is who I claimed to be “in love” with. In reality, I wasn’t in love with him, I was only in love with the IDEA of being in love. I can struggle alone. I can love my myself. I did major soul searching and started out on a road that I didn’t know where I would end up. I found God along the way and I ended up finding MYSELF – a person who was so lost…a person who ended up in hurtful situations because of loneliness and desperation…..a person who was too needy. When I found my true self, I asked God to work on me. I asked forgiveness and made that effort to change. God transformed me. I am not saying that I am 100% but I am no longer 5%. God used many situations and people to pull that loneliness and desperation from me and He restored me with confidence in myself and dependence in Him. I am much stronger and wiser because of that journey I chose to take. I have a sense of confidence that enables me to face struggles alone and I have GOD – who allows me to endure these struggles. I have my standards to a higher level because I deserve that much. God has blessed me to be able to handle my business as a single mother and His Word keeps me from being alone in regards to companionship. I still face difficulties in some areas but I hold my head high. And yes, God is still working on me. I have faith that God is also working on the man He has for me. This man will keep God first in his life. This man will respect my heart, body and mind. This man will understand that shacking, for me, is not an option. This man will love me enough to wait because I am worth it. This man and myself will KNOW when God says it is time to unite as ONE. I feel this is why it is so important to keep God first in relationships. God lets us know who, when, where and why. He is just that kind of God!




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